Good Gambling Puns
- 50 Genuinely Funny Jokes to make you laugh Last Updated: 8th July 2020. Everyone loves witty jokes. Our hand-picked list of hilarious jokes is guaranteed to make anyone laugh. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
- How's a casino like a good woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
As writers who love all things gambling, we thoroughly enjoy a quality casino pun. We have both written and come across a great number of different gambling jokes. Some are certainly funnier than others, we’ve read all sorts of them, everything from the silly jokes that just hit the funny spot to the clever and witty gambling jokes that take. Yes, there are mom jokes out there too, but, as much as we hate to say it, dad jokes still take the cake. And because there's truly no bad time for a so-bad-it's-good one-liner—be it in your Father's Day captions on social media or Sunday night family dinner—we rounded up the best dad jokes that verge on groan/greatness territory. We’ve searched high and low for jokes with gambling puns and have come up with a list of the most cringeworthy.Brace yourselves; they're bad. The World’s online gaming authority since 1995.
Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.
I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
Lost money betting with with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.
Did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.
I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half past three.
Walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds on that?
A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.
Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
Last week’s snooker jokes are here.
If you like these gambling jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.
Good Gambling Puns For Teens
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April 4, 2019Every day this week we’ll be highlighting classic and cutting-edge Jewish comedy. L’chaim!
Dare to search “Jewish Jokes” on the ole’ internet search engine and you’ll find a whole lot of extremely cool, very original jokes about the Holocaust, and money-grubbing, and overbearing mothers. Ah yes, thousands of years of culture and tradition, distilled! Ah, our peals of laughter!
Scroll far away from that hateful racket and join us here at the scene of the classics — jokes told by Jews, about Jews, that gently mock, rather than discriminate against, Jews. These are jokes that have been told and told again in the Borscht Belt and at the bridge table.
1. The waiter joke
A group of five Jewish women are eating lunch in a busy cafe. Nervously, their waiter approaches the table. “Ladies,” he says. “Is anything okay?”
2. The desert island joke
A Jewish man is shipwrecked on a desert island. He’s stuck for years! Using materials from around the island, he builds a house, a store, and a synagogue. Eventually, he’s made a whole neighborhood.
One day, he’s rescued by a passing ship. The sailors help him collect his few possessions and get ready to leave the island forever. Just before they leave, one of the sailors says, “Hey! Why’d you build two synagogues?”
The man rolls his eyes. “This,” he says, pointing at one building, “Is my synagogue.”
“And that,” he says, pointing at the other, “Is the one I would never set foot in!”
3. The (loving) Jewish mothers joke
Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench, arguing over which one’s son loves her the most. The first one says, “You know, my son sends me flowers every Shabbos.”
“You call that love?” says the second mother. “My son calls me every day!”
“That’s nothing,” says the third woman. “My son is in therapy five days a week. And the whole time, he talks about me!”
4. The rabbi joke
A synagogue has a mice problem. The custodian tries traps, bait, mice, everything. Nothing works. Finally, he goes to the rabbi and explains the problem. “I have the solution,” the rabbi says. “Well, what is it?” says the custodian. “It’s a foolproof plan,” the rabbi says, smiling. “I’ll give them all Bar Mitzvahs — we’ll never see them again!”
5. The Israeli joke
A group of people standing on a subway platform — an American, a Russian, and an Israeli. A reporter approaches and says, “Excuse me, can I get your opinion about the meat shortage?”
“What’s a shortage?” says the American.
“What’s meat?” says the Russian.
“What’s excuse me?” says the Israeli.
6. The other rabbi joke
A rabbi is harboring a secret — she has always wanted to try pork. One night she drives across town to the furthest restaurant from her shul and orders an entire suckling pig. Just as the waiter sets down the full roast pig with an apple in its mouth, she sees a group of her congregants has walked in and is watching her, mouths open. The rabbi widens her eyes, “So nu, what kind of place is this?” she says. “You order an apple and look how it’s served!”